Homemade Oreos, a love story

Oh my goodness! These are phenomenal. These are simple and quick (ish) and oh so satisfying. These are so much better than Oreos!

I am not a fan of Oreos. I never have been. The filling is so greasy that it overpowers the chocolate cookie and leaves a coating on my tongue. Not good. Not fun. In fact, pretty yucky, in my book.

Smitten Kitchen posted this recipe ages ago, but for some reason it just spoke to me today. I have been craving something, anything chocolate and sweet.


These are so darn cute and just perfect.

Well, what are you waiting for? Go make some!

Wasted time, tears, Ginger Drops and Mini Donuts

Over the past 2 + years, Mr. Smith and I have been waging a war. Unfortunately, we have been waging this war alone. There was no one to help. No one that could help, for that matter.

Even the attorneys that we have hired throughout this nightmare have failed us at every turn, interested in feathering their own corrupt little nests, while leaving us financially ruined and twisting in the wind. Don't get me started on what horrific medieval things should be done to all lawyers everywhere. Sorry you stinking dirtbags, but you know as well as I do that you deserve it.

Our war began with no warning. It came to us in the form of a subpoena, as the worst, most pointless wars often do. We were being sued and we had to be in court the next morning. The most shocking part: we were being sued by The Other Mrs. Smith, Mr. Smith's mother.

A brutal development. A harsh blow for even the most detached son, which Mr. Smith is not. This does not happen to people like us. We are nice, we are kind, we had not done anything to warrant such a severe action. Yet, to court we went to be informed that, without any evidence, we were already deemed guilty and would be forced at great expense and heartache to prove our innocence in this matter.

The reason for the lawsuit is complicated, and as it turns out, doesn't matter much. Suffice it to say that The Other Mrs. Smith's chief problem is believing that other people's property belongs to her. Simple as that.

Lucky for her, she is resourceful and was able to become a pro bono client of an extremely powerful, litigious law firm in our area. Always lands on her feet...amazing really.

You see, The Other Mrs. Smith is indigent. She decided to retire at an early age from a job she did not have. She opted to be taken care of by her son without his consent.

When her son fell in love, got married and started a family, her complete dependence on him became a very serious issue for her. He, like any normal man, was interested in having his own life. He was no longer interested in babysitting an adult. His new wife (me), his children, his career were all stealing attention and time from what was truly important to her...herself.

As you can imagine, this caused some problems, but nothing we couldn't handle. Boundaries were set, these were ignored or crossed over and over again. Outrageous demands in the form of time, attention and huge sums of money were made. Some were met, most were denied or ignored in an effort at self-preservation on our part.

Unfortunately, the bulk of this story is not mine to tell. I am simply (like my children, my parents) collateral damage to The Other Mrs. Smith's crushing narcissism and unrestrained greed.

In the end, we have been stripped of everything. We are left homeless (except for the good grace of my phenomenal family that I will never be able to thank sufficiently), penniless (bankruptcy and judgments are a couple of funny things that I will tell you about some day) and exhausted from a draining battle with no winners, only losers. We have each other, we have two children to raise without the benefit of money, and a business with loads of potential.

It has been incredibly hard to hold it together and keep a brave face. Most days I have failed, some days I was able to soldier on and pretend this wasn't happening to Mr. Smith, to us, to our little family.

Finally, this week, there is a pinprick of light, tiny, but hopeful. Yes, it may be a locomotive in the tunnel, I don't know that yet. Each time I have been hopeful, I have been leveled by the next blow. Each time I have been forced, for my family, for our children, to pick myself up.

I am exhausted, I am battered and bruised, but I will not surrender. I will never let The Other Mrs. Smith and her cancerous, hateful ways harm my family. We are better than that, stronger than that. What we have is true and real and cannot be destroyed by something, by someone as petty as she has shown herself to be time and time again.

So, where to go from here?


To the kitchen. My refuge, my sanctuary, my happy place. It is where I am in charge, where I dictate the rules and do only what I want to do.

When Fall is in the air, Mrs. Smith's (This Mrs. Smith) fancy turns to ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon, cloves and all things baked.

Yesterday, H and I collaborated on a project from the King Arthur Flour people. If love comes in the form of baked goods, these folks are Don Juan. Holy Moses, go to their website and I dare you not to order one of everything. I have yet to find something that isn't wonderful, delicious and quickly devoured by my audience.



I have had the donut mix (but you can make it without the benefit of the mix, if you have a mind to) and the pan floating around the pantry for months. Each time I thought about making it, I chickened out. Yesterday, I just needed the therapy that baking, even with H "helping" can provide. So, I dove in.

We made Mini Donuts and frosted them with the following Chocolate Glaze from The Joy of Cooking.

Note: if you make these, be very careful not to overfill the forms with batter, if you do, as my little helper did, you don't get a hole in the middle of the donut!

Chocolate Donut Glaze
1/4 cup butter or margarine
1/4 cup water
4 ounces semi sweet chocolate

Melt in a heavy saucepan or double boiler. When melted, removed from heat and whisk in

1 1/3 cups confectioner's sugar

Frost the donuts and let set as long as you can stand it (which, I assure you, will not be long, especially if your sous chef is 3 1/2 years old!).

Today, I added some cocoa and made the mix into chocolate donuts and used the same Chocolate Glaze. Heaven. Yes, there is nutmeg and cinnamon in there, Mr. Smith. No it is not, in fact, poison, or nuts. They are spices and taste wonderful with the chocolate. OPEN YOUR MIND DAMMIT!!



Also, if you are lucky enough to live near a Trader Joe's, go and get some of their Gingerbread Coffee. I am here to tell you, it is the most comforting thing I have discovered recently. It gives me such joy to smell the spices while the coffee is brewing. It just make me feel warm, happy and safe. I know, I know, what the hell, it is just coffee for Pete's sake!

In other, completely unrelated news: Here is a recipe for Soft Ginger Drops that will absolutely curl your toes!


Soft Ginger Drops

1/2 cup shortening
3/4 cup sugar
1 egg
1 1/4 cup molasses
4 1/2 cups flour
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
2 tsp. ginger
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp. nutmeg
1 tsp. cloves
1 cup boiling water

Bake at 400 for 8-10 minutes.

Frost while warm with frosting made from milk, vanilla and confectioner's sugar (until frosting is desired consistency).

So go make some of these cookies and wallow (as I did) in the warm, spicy, Fall smells in your house!



P.S. Five years ago, on October 12, I interviewed a very cute, but nervous Mr. Smith for a job. That was our previous life. He was already Mr. Smith. I had no way of knowing that in less than a year, I would be Mrs. Smith. What can I say, he gives good interview!

Mr. Smith's Mythical Mystical Bundt Cake Recipe

The original cake of legend was baked by my errant mother-in-law (amazing since she is about as domestic as an angry cobra). For months, Mr. Smith waxed nostalgic about the virtues of this cake, how moist it was, how delicious, how desperate he was to have it again.

Anyway, we had to fire the mother-in-law, so we did not have access to the recipe. So I went spelunking in the recipe archives and came up with a worthy successor to the mythical bundt cake recipe. Every once in a while Mr. Smith campaigns for one. Well, The Mr. Smith is turned 42 today. His dilemma: the desire for two birthday desserts and an inability to choose between them. The solution: Mrs. Smith should make both!

Be warned, this recipe is not healthy, it has no redeeming nutritional qualities, it is pure indulgence!

Mitch’s Mythical Bundt Cake Recipe

4 eggs

1/2 cup oil

1/2 cup water

1 cup sour cream

1 small box of chocolate pudding

1 box of yellow cake mix

1 bag chocolate chips

Whisk eggs, oil, water and sour cream together in a large bowl. Then add box of pudding. Whisk until smooth. Add cake mix and whisk until completely blended. Fold in 1 small bag of chocolate chips (or 1/2 peanut butter chips, 1/2 chocolate chips if you prefer).

Stir until blended, pour into bundt pan. Bake for 1 hour @ 350 degrees. Wait until it cools (that is the hardest part for Mr. Smith) and enjoy with a glass of milk.

And that is what you get for makin' Whoopie

Apparently, Whoopie Pies are making a comeback. I never even knew they were that much of a thing. I found this recipe (and a whole host of variations) here.

These are simple, straightforward and yield great results. Since I am a huge fan of all things peanut butter, you just knew I was going to go that route first, right?

They are almost like a chocolate cupcake with peanut butter frosting, on the inside. A little messy, but the kids loved them. You could even have them help, if they are willing.

So, go forth and make Whoopie Pies!


Chocolate Peanut Butter Whoopie Pies

4 cups flour
2 tsp. baking soda
1 cup cocoa
dash of salt
2 cups sugar
1 cup shortening
2 eggs
1 cup milk
1 cup warm water
2 tsp. vanilla

In a mixing bowl, combine the flour, baking soda, cocoa, and salt. Make sure the mixture is very well blended. In separate bowl combine sugar and shortening. Add eggs and mix for about 2 minutes until well blended. Alternate adding dry ingredients with milk and warm water in three-four additions. Add the vanilla and beat until thoroughly blended.

Use a #40 disher (or drop by rounded tablespoons full) onto ungreased, non-stick cookie sheets. Bake at 375 for 10-12 minutes (watch closely and adjust to your oven). Bake until the centers of the cookies spring back when pressed lightly.

Remove from cookie sheets and cool on wire racks. Cool completely before filling.

Peanut Butter Filling

Peanut Butter Filling
2 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup peanut butter
3 1/2 cups confectioner's sugar
1/2 cup milk

Cream together the butter and peanut butter. Add confectioner's sugar until well blended. Add milk slowly and mix until thoroughly blended together.

Cupcakes, cupcakes and more cupcakes

Easter is upon us. Okay, it is actually Sunday, but I like to be prepared. Either way, Spring is upon us. It has sprung, so to speak. And a girl's fancy turns to baking cupcakes.

Several years ago, 5 to be exact, I was single (not young, not by a longshot) and had far too much free time on my hands. My brother, sister-in-law and their two children were coming for a visit, so I wanted to make a special dessert for their visit.

My nephew, AZ, has a very special place in his heart for all things chocolate-related. I think I could dip a car bumper in chocolate and he would very willingly eat it. This is the same kid who hates casseroles because the food touches. You know they type.

Well, I made a batch of each of these cupcakes and he and my niece, AP, were over the moon for them.

The reason? They use these nifty little panettone papers, so they are smaller than everyday cupcakes. They just look a little fancier and a little more special. Perfect for an Easter gathering, a tea party, Mother's Day, Father's Day...you pick the occasion. You can make the ahead and frost them when you are ready. You can add any type of decoration on top.

Basically, very adaptable, very portable, look fancy, AND kid friendly. PERFECTION!

Cinnamon-Scented Chocolate Cupcakes
Orange Cardamom Cupcakes

Photo courtesy of Bon Appetit, June 2004.

Mocha Fudge Pudding

This little dessert is one of those things that you can whip up and have in the oven while you are eating dinner. By the time the dinner is eaten, the dishes are done, and the kids are in bed, you get to sit down with a warm bowl of loving chocolate. Add a dollop of ice cream and you are right smack in the middle of downtown Bliss.
My grandmother Hilda told me about this recipe first. Hilda has a sweet tooth that is unequaled. Her advice, "Don't eat the whole thing in one day." Apparently, doing that can lead to issues with your innards, so I would avoid that route. Be warned, though, it will be tough.
Since I first tried this recipe, I have since seen dozens of variations (even a lemon version).
A little advice: it will look like a hot mess when you put it in the oven. Between the batter, the crumbs sprinkled over it and the hot coffee poured on top, you will believe in your heart that you have messed up the recipe or that I, Vertigob, have sent you down a primrose path. Fear not, my little puppies, when you open the oven, you will find, as if by magic, a puffy cake, floating on the most amazing hot chocolate sauce you have ever eaten. So be brave and enjoy!
Mocha Fudge Pudding
1 cup flour
3/4 cup sugar
2 tbsp. cocoa
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 cup milk
2 tbsp. melted butter
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
1 cup hot, strong coffee
Blend flour, sugar, cocoa, baking powder and salt. Stir well.
Add milk, butter and vanilla. Mix well.
Spoon into 8 well-greased custard cups or a well-greased 8-inch square pan.
Combine brown sugar and cocoa. Sprinkle evenly over batter.
Pour 2 tablespoons of coffee over batter in each cup or 1 cup coffee over batter in pan.
Bake at 350 for 25-30 minutes.
Serve warm with whipped cream or ice cream.
Die a little with each bite you take because this dessert is so wonderful.

Mr. Smith's Perfect Bundt Cake

Well, the news was all good. The tumor was benign! We can all celebrate the fact that Mr. Smith is well and is on the mend. He is still a little swollen, bruised and in pain, but that is temporary. Get the ticker tape parade ready!

Ok, they probably don't have those anymore. Seeing as how they probably don't use ticker tape machines anymore. Not in the age of the internets!

In honor of Mr. Smith's surgery/reprieve from the governor, I am going to share his favorite cake recipe.

The great story about this cake is that Mr. Smith used to wax poetic about the chocolate bundt cake that my mother-in-law used to make. Now, my mother-in-law is not someone that could ever be described as domestic or maternal. Okay, you have all heard about those mothers in the animal kingdom that eat their young? That's her.

Apparently, in one of her more nurturing moments she used to make this cake (or a version of it). Of course, as many of you know, we no longer have any contact with my delightful mother-in-law that doesn't include lawyers or law enforcement. She is a real gem.

Obviously, with a family like that, we aren't exactly having coffee together and trading recipes. Quite frankly, I would be afraid to engage in such an exchange.

So, here I was with my dear Mr. Smith. He wanted his favorite cake. He missed his favorite cake. So into the archives I dove and I came up with this one.

Another recipe from my mother's dear friend Susan. This cake is a real heart-stopper, not much nutritional value, but it is yummy. The amazing part, Mr. Smith LOVES it. It is exactly the right recipe. I was able to recreate his beloved bundt cake and recapture his youth. The happy part!

I had done an end run around the evil mother-in-law and it pleased me to no end!

The funniest part was when my father-in-law found I out I had made the cake. He was astonished that I had the recipe. She would never give it to the likes of me!

HA! I may be delayed, but I will NOT be stopped!

So, here is the mythical cake in all its glory. Make to celebrate something and have a happy Monday!

Chocolate Chip Bundt Cake

Mix together:

4 eggs

1/2 cup warm water

1/2 cup oil

1 cup sour cream

Add: 1 small package chocolate instant pudding

Then add: 1 package yellow cake mix

Last add: 1 cup chocolate chips (or more if you are feeling sassy and Mr. Smith usually is)

Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour in greased floured bundt or tube pan or 2 loaf pans.

Slice and store in plastic air tight containers to avoid the cake drying out.

Grasshopper Pie and Cough Syrup

The other day while trolling through the recipe archives (and they are considerable) looking for the Lorna Doone recipe, I came upon the recipe for Grasshopper Pie. My mother's friend Susan used to make this about a million years ago when we lived in a distant land called Delaware.

I was so excited to make this, I made a special trip to the store and was so thrilled to have no problem finding the elusive Chocolate Wafer Cookies. If you have never used these, they are jet black and very thin. Apparently you can make quick ice cream sandwiches with these, although I have never tried it. I was sure I had the required Creme de Menthe and Creme de Cocoa, since we purchased these grudgingly about 20 years ago. The problem with these purchases being, you only need 1 Tablespoon of each and the bottles are huge. Therefore, figuring out who inherits the bottles becomes an issue.

I was so excited, in fact, that I failed to check and make sure that the dreaded bottles were still in our possession. When I returned home, put all the groceries away, dealt with Thing Two (nursed her and got her ensconced on the table in her bouncy seat) and dealt with Thing One (he wants a car each and every time anyone leaves the house). Got the cookie crust made and proceeded to check the liquor cabinet, there was none to be found. THE BOTTLES WERE GONE!!!!

Naturally, I accused my mother of throwing them away. I will call her The Pitcher, so named because she dearly loves to throw things away. She has been known to throw away birthday money (cash and checks), magazines that she herself wrote SAVE on, etc.

Long story short, Mr. Smith was wonderful enough, to go to the store, with Thing One in tow and fetch new and wildly expensive bottles of said liquor. His saintliness is on par with my father (The Monkey) who will go on the wildest of goose chases if there is the faint hope of homemade baked goods.

Poor Mr. Smith, going shopping with Thing One is always traumatic and involves the purchase of car related items (magazines, Matchbox, etc.). After all that, Mr. Smith sampled the fruit of his labor and started to gag, he rushed to the fridge to get some Cran-Grape to stop said wretching. He said it tastes like cough syrup (Nyquil I believe) and vowed to never let it cross his lips again. My grandfather, on the other hand, said he had never tasted cough syrup that tasted this good. I guess, it all depends!

16 Chocolate Wafer Cookies, crushed fine

5 Tablespoons melted butter

25 Large marshmallows

2/3 cup milk

1 Tablespoon green creme de menthe

1 Tablespoon white (clear) creme de cocoa

1 cup heavy cream, whipped

Mix crushed cookie crumbs and butter. Line a 9 inch pie pan with crumbs. Reserve about 2 Tablespoons for topping. Chill.

Melt marshmallows with milk. Cool. Add creme de menthe and creme de cocoa and fold in whipped cream. Pour into crumb crust and sprinkle with reserved topping. Chill overnight or for several hours to set.